Abundance is lived and felt, not seen and touched.

2nd Corinthians 8:9 says, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

Back when I first started gigging, worrying where to get gigs was a constant. It’s part of going out into the unknown and making it on your own. At the beginning, worry and ambition are almost the same, at least for me. After playing for $50/night on the west side of Fort Worth for a couple years, I was more than surprised when a Dallas booking agency took me on. Pay on gigs went up to $200-$300/night for a solo acoustic act and upwards of $1000 for the band. In the beginning stages of this company, we paid the agents 10% of what the venue paid us. As the company grew, they changed some policies and were able to get all of their venues to pay the agency and then in turn, the agency would pay the artist. Also, as more and more Fort Worth artists started hearing about this company and wanting to work for real money, competing for the recognition, attention and gigs became tougher and more crowded with more backstabbing and shit talking every day. At that time (2016) Fort Worth bars did not pay more than $50 a night per man, and most times less. This would have been 2015-2016, just after the reign of terror by the Hannah Barbarians, who could pack out the two clubs there were in Fort Worth to play and would demand upwards of $1000/night. They earned it, but it brought payouts to a grinding halt when other unknown bands who didn’t draw started duping bars into paying the same rate. The Hannah Barbarians could sell 10K in liquor over the course of a show on a Friday out of the Grotto. They were POP-U-LAR.

The backstabbing to get into the Dallas agencies and into the venues paying a living wage worried me to my core. During this time of playing in packed breweries, restaurants and “venues” around Dallas I suffered from imposter syndrome. in retrospect, I can see this is the first real step from being a Wanna-Be musician to a professional one. If you are hired to play for people you don’t know and who don’t know you, you’re a pro. The thing you have to do, as a performing musician, is treat all the gigs like they are shows and venues and make posters and promotion accordingly. This will at least gain you some momentum with the people who are following you. The hype a poster can create is real, and the jealousy and envy from other musicians it can cause is also real.

Being conditioned to a merit based, or in reality a pseudo-merit-based workplace, most people have a hard time understanding the ebbs and flows of playing and grinding a local music scene. At a 9-5 job, there are performance evaluations, bosses, small bosses, and big bosses. Ther are formal processes to asking for raises, and sales reports are readily available. Of course, anyone who has had a ‘real job’ knows the political side of things is very real as well. That if you can’t get to where you want to be based on merit, you can shit talk your way to the top, through manipulation, gas lighting, strawman tactics and gossip. The same holds true to music, but without a set pay scale and posted minimums, people tend to rely heavily on the latter when trying to advance.

It’s important to remember you are not completely in control of your destiny. One can put all their efforts into learning the ins and outs of a scene or particular job, but they will not advance and become prosperous through hard work alone. Anyone with half a smidge of integrity knows rising to the top through less than honorable means is a waste and cannot be anything lasting or permanent. For me, after a few months playing out in Dallas, I was the target of a lot of criticism. Statements like, “How did he get there?”, or “Why does he get those gigs?”, and even “I think I deserve those gigs instead of Joe. Joe sucks.”

Of course, I only ever heard these things once or twice to my face and in my ears, but I’m sure this isn’t a unique position or feeling to have, or even that difficult to go through. But in 2016, I was not mature enough to realize who my real boss was. I listened to the criticism of my album Songs Worth Singing, I listened to the haters, I tried to befriend the unfriendable, did drugs with the losers, ran with the posers, hung with the hangers-on, sat with the scoffers and scorned with the scornful. Due to the worry of my next gig, I picked arguments and over thought a lot of the things I was involved in. Instead of being grateful for the band I had, I worried they’d leave my band or be unavailable for an important show. All of my might went into preserving this small ounce of success I was feeling and with great determination I attempted to cement many things that simply must remain fluid.

I spent a lot of time making sure I was being paid the going rate or trying to convince my band members to only play for me. I was blind to all the arguments and stress it was causing. My worry extended onto the stage, where instead of focusing on the big crowd out in front of me, I would cringe inside and clam up at the sound of a wrong note or at some outlandish behavior from a band member that embarrassed me. Due to my low skill level, my band would be co-opted by a lead player or a stronger personality during those first years, and my criticisms and request were often treated like the mumbled ramblings of an insane person pleading with you to believe they were not crazy. I keep good time now, and I’m in my 13th year as guitar player at this point, so things have changed drastically. Back then, the superior musicianship of my band members gave them a carte blanche to not listen to me or anything I had to say, and to also talk shit about me and my leadership skills over beers with other side-guys. It didn’t matter that I was paying them, or that I had the contact with the venue or agent, they were better musicians so felt different about the gig. I learned in retrospect, many of the side-guys you can hire will stay after and get the booking contact for their own band or for a different band they are in, and they treat your gigs as just an opportunity to get leads on gigs they don’t know about but want to play for themselves. By trying to control this aspect of gigging, I ruined a lot of those relationships and connections.

I’d leave the gigs feeling terrible. All my players would leave and go their own ways. There was little comradery, just a bunch of guys trying to live out their dreams. Worrying about all this stuff isn’t worth it. As DFW grew to include 100s more gigs and venues to play, these problems only grew and became more permanent, but it was obvious you could make your own way without all the nonsense. Without giving in to the assholes and the haters. It became apparent to me that if could keep my nose to the grindstone, block out any distractions, and walk away from unhealthy relationships even if they were profitable, things could, and certainly would, change for me. In 2008 I was 25 years old and had not played single note on the guitar, so to have all these problems at this new stage in life was only more proof that I could do anything I put my mind to. That anything was possible. However, the competition to make a living as a songwriter is real, and the politics that go along with any job apply. I limited my band to a three piece of a bass player and lead guitar player. This allowed me to play them both $150 minimum per gig, and so, I bought their allegiance for a while. Yet, as time went on, and we were talked about less and less in the weekly papers, and the gigs seemed to just be the same ‘ol thing every week, the guys grew tired of the routine. The drugs, alcohol and other variables became the most important parts to the gigs. Getting those tips and then returning to our regular dive bars to party and stay up all night was what everyone seemed to be living for, including me. Well, not everyone. Around this time a few of our drinking buddies fell off and retreated to the privacy of a quieter life with a woman or with their songs and seemed to start a new path all their own. Their success made it harder to bare my own failure and caused more comparisons and still i did not see that my real boss was the Lord.

Personally, I got addicted to this cycle of cash in hand, gigging every day and surviving. I felt if I left town or missed one gig or said one more wrong thing, I would fail miserably. So many of my peers had made it out and onto bigger things. I was still fighting the current. Grabbing on to any ‘ol twig I could wrap my fist around and holding on for dear life. If you have any younger ladies in your family, like a niece or granddaughter, you know the only way to get their affection is to ignore them into curiosity. By chasing their affections, they only deny it to you more and more, and that becomes the power dynamic; they have something you desperately want, and so control you as they decide to dole out what they possess as it benefits them. If you’re not completely oblivious, you can see the little bit of joy this little being gets out of controlling you, out of the knowledge they possess something you want, and so in turn, possess you. The same can happen with agencies, venues, fans and other players. Try to hold onto them and you crush them like Lenny crushes rabbits in his all-too-strong-grip causing yourself years of strife and resentment. Kill enough rabbits and you’ll find yourself out there all alone, grasping at each opportunity with hands like flyswatters scooping sand.

It’s only when we can realize that abundance, success, wealth and all the good things are to be felt not possessed. It’s when we realize our real boss is the Lord above and not some human form here on Earth that we can move into a realm that resembles more of a heaven than I have ever seen. If you can imagine life as a river and living life is floating it, then you can see the only way to get to the mouth of the river and to be spat out into the oneness of the ocean is to flow. Let go and flow. Each little rapid is merely a trepidation to overcome, an opportunity to be even more malleable and more willing to let go and float, despite not understanding the unknown path to the end of the river. What does one need to get to the end of the river? Nothing. One need not gather, hold on to, try to preserve, pick up or hoard anything in order to fulfill the journey. One must only flow.

If you were to imagine the river with many rapids, falls and dangers, then certainly you will find them. If you imagine yourself in abundance, floating a calm placid and see-through surface where to eat one must merely reach down and allow the fish to swim into the hand, then that is the river you will float. Feeling peaceful, complete and at ease is the only way to ensure a smooth journey. When you are granted tools and other travelers, companions and necessities along the route, being grateful for their presence in the now is the only way. To appreciate what you have and to value the essence of the gifts even as they disappear, is the only way to assure more blessings lie ahead.

”And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

Again, looking at this passage from the Bible, it spells out all things at all times. Having all you need at all times is the way of the river. Knowing the Lord is in control of your floating. That there are an endless number of dimensional shifts and possible rivers for you to float, and your trust in God and the thoughts you send out ripple into existence the river you are to float. Trust in God brings a river without strife. A yoke that is easy and light. A burdenless burden of persistent attentions and prayerful rejoicing.

Thessalonians 5 16-18 says, “16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”

These are the tools to bringing about a river of tranquil bliss and abundance. To rejoice always, that is to say, feel grateful for the abundance in your life. Feel happy with your lot, or your raft. See the love of God pouring out toward you. Rejoice and give thanks for you have all you need. And you must do this always. What is always? Every day? Every week? I’d say it is every moment. Every millisecond. Give thanks and rejoice. Is it impossible? It is highly likely you will not succeed, that no one will ever succeed in rejoicing constantly. But if you are able, and even if you are unable to accomplish this consistent act of gratitude, you can see the next verse says to pray continually.

For me, prayer and rejoicing are very similar. Rejoicing is an expression of what you have received, whether it be this very life, or more specific gifts bestowed. The other, praying, to me, is an experience of the opposite nature. Instead of you sending out to God, you open yourself to God expressing toward you. In prayer we can gain wisdom, satisfaction, understanding and self-reliance. For me prayer can be a supplication, although I struggle with my pride, so I struggle to ever earnestly ask for help, or prayer can be a conversation or even a meditation. In the conversation sense, it feels like listening to or watching a PBS program. For me, only after many days of continually reaching out to the Lord, can I feel this enlightenment and this surmising of my problems into nice lessons. The thoughts are more visual than verbal, but I do have an inner monologue of me speaking to myself sometimes. The overall lessons and their surmations can be so profound, but yet so simple and the lifting of the many veils of reality in sequence is a great way to visualize it. I’m still blinded by the veils, but with each successive removal of one, the thickness of my blindness is reduced, and I can see reality that much clearer. Each time this happens, the whole world must be reworked. Assumptions made based on less clear perceptions of reality must now be reworked and a self-blame and owning of weaknesses must take place in light of the new information.

In regard to meditation, I think there is benefit in the traditional way we Westerners think of meditation. To sit still and attempt to think of nothing. I don’t think this is the only way to get benefit from meditation though. One way I go about it is to listen to audio while driving. Being a musician, I drive a lot. I can sometimes be on the road and in my car for 12 hours over a 16-hour period. One of the books I listen to regularly is James Allen’s As a Man Thinketh. Over the last 10 years or so, it has changed my life. I’ve reprogrammed my mind and perspective with this book. Today, as I’ve expanding the time and the sources of these “listening meditations”, I now spend the mornings and ever-growing larger portions of my day listening to prayers, scriptures, spiritual practices and proverbs from sacred texts. I mostly find these audio files on YouTube.

While driving we tend to zone out anyway and make it to a regular destination with little to no thought at all. We arrive and think to ourselves, “Whoa, where have I been?”, as if you were not even in the vehicle moving at all. You’ve just suddenly arrived. I like to think of this as a ‘fast travel’. Anyone who’s play a video game before knows what I mean. Driving can be a waste of time, just something to get through, a necessary part of the day, but it can also be an incubation chamber. Your vehicle can become a reprogramming station. It can be an aid to constant prayer and continual rejoicing.

The car has some of the greatest noise canceling technology around, it can create an environment with the perfect temperature, it has cup holders, maybe even a condiment caddy, and can deliver crystal clear music and audio one hundred percent customized to the driver’s taste. Driving has become so comfortable that it’s a wonder people don’t fall asleep while doing it. Combine all that with the internet, a smart phone connected to a podcast, google, YouTube, Audible or any number of databases out there, and you have the makings of a machine that can literally change who you are, how you think and what you believe in. Some of Neville Goddard’s books point out that a physiological change in the makeup of the brain and body takes place as we change our thoughts. Listening to something over and over will change your thoughts, not only for the duration of the meditative drive, but on into the life that you live day in and day out. Suddenly you will find yourself discovering the principals of the books or lessons in your daily life, seeing them again in other people and reinforcing the wisdom you have gained. Through more conversation on the topics, you start to speak and believe in what you are thinking and reading and ingesting, and so in turn you are more aware of life around you and so see these results and the resemblances of the things you are thinking manifest themselves into reality. The more you believe this the more your brain and body produce more or less of the chemicals that area associated with your thoughts and feelings, and so you change. You physically change who you are. James Allen says, “Want to change the body? Change the mind. No diet will help a man unwilling to change his thoughts. A sound mind no longer craves unhealthy food.” It’s important to recognize ‘the what’ we are listening to and putting into the docile and subdued driving mind is relevant and super important and should only be of the highest and most Godly and positive vibrations. Even though I used to love it so, I’ve given up any content with a “bad” message.

You can probably see, in a sense, we are already programmed, but we just don’t realize it. Most people operate under many assumptions and subconscious bias and provocations sent at us through audio, visual and subliminal messages millions of times a week or even a day. So, any step in controlling your thoughts and mind is a step in the right direction. Recognizing the media we put into our mind is the deciding factor at the quality of thought, and so the quality of life, is a major step in the right direction. Think back to the “olden days” when people didn’t even have electrcity. This will give you a chance to imagine what it’s like to not be distracted. To actually have to sit with your thoughts and get to know the current and dominant patterns to your thoughts and perception on reality. Autonomy and a personal relationship with God are the goals. It’s unfortunate that many people can become jaded and cynical due to what they are listening to, so I don’t recommend this approach for everyone. But for me it’s worked. I’m a completely different person today than I was at 17 years old, 20 years ago.

Today I‘m living in a a life-stage of exponential growth of who I am and my abundance and self-reliance with a better understanding of the overall flow of life. Of how self-determining my life can be, and without a doubt is, even if I’m not attempting to steer it. I can’t underplay how important prayer and a relationship with God have played in my successes, but I also can’t deny how slow moving this progress is. Looking back on the problems I was dealing with (some minor detailed above), I can see now they were all projections of my own inadequacies and uncertainties. Many of the bad vibes and conflicts I experience in life are of my own making and are needed to shape and mold me into a better person. Iron Sharpens Iron.

Iron also cuts plastic, slices right through false and empty or half assed beliefs and lack of faith. It hurts, but as Leonard Cohen suggests, the cracks are so the light can get in. Of course, the Catch 22 is one cannot see these lessons by holding on or staying put riverside. Constructing strong-holds on the sandy banks will only lead to more catastrophe, misunderstanding and strife. Letting go is the way to the lesson. Rejoicing always and praying continually. This will lead you to where you want to go, for in prayer and rejoicing how can one experience strife or dole out punishment on others? They cannot. I cannot. In prayer and while giving thanks it is easy to see how everything is lining up into place. How all of it fits together and for each other. How strife, pain and contingency is based out of an unwillingness to go with the flow and recognize the plan, and steer your thoughts.

I love Nathanial Rateliff’s song It’s Still Alight, and especially the line, “You out on a ledge with no way to get down. You start praying for wings to grow. Oh, Baby just let go”

Praying for wings might seem like the way to go, but it’s merely another attempt to control things and get out of a situation, rather than to let go and trust God and flow with a situation.