Don’t let the bastards get you down

This Kris Kristofferson lyric helps me keep going sometimes, even if the opening line to the song is a little tongue in cheek, “They’re killing babies in the name of freedom.” he sings.

But it’s true, to survive this world, we can’t let the bastards get us down. What’s a bastard anyway? The slang meaning of the word describes a vicious or evil person and googles lists the definition as a despicable person. It’s hard for me to believe that Kris Kristofferson, with all his success had to deal with evil or despicable people. I like to pretend there will be a time in my life where I will no longer have to bear the pangs of silver-tongued devils and jealous words hurled in my direction. But as Kris said, all we can do is try not to let the bastards get us down. I guess that means they will always be around and they will always be shitting on our dreams and projecting their defeat and hatred onto those around them.

Parker McCollum just played Kimmel a couple nights ago. He used to play Landmark Bar & Kitchen back in the day with some frequency, kind of like my every Sunday deal. In 2018 Parker was already on his was to stardom, and played his last Sunday at Landmark. He’s been signed to a major label now and has finally “made it”. If I had a dollar for every person in this town I’ve heard slander his name, I wouldn’t need to play music anymore.

I don’t really pay attention, so I didn’t know who Parker was until “Pretty Heart” and “Hell of a Year” came out and that was partly because he’d gone to the big label and the big labels still have a reach into my life. So, I’m cleared from being one of the shit-talkers looking to defame and debase the Gold Chain Cowboy. It’s easy to see it from the outside and then say, “Yea, well if he wanted to make it, he’s gonna have to go through it. He can’t pay attention to the haters,” and then an entirely different thing to go through it yourself. It’s a wonder anyone ever does anything successful with the number of haters out there.

I give in too much. I respond and react and try to defend myself to the haters and the devilish bastards. I try to win them over with love and kill them with kindness. Neither of these really work and you can really only go so far with them. At some point when people step out of line or cross a line, it’s the real humans that stand up to them. But when you stand up for your principles, morals or ethics and especially when you do it against someone who is further along in your field or scene than you are, it can be a real drag. It can slow you down. Putting someone in their place whether you are right or not is a way to make things a lot slower for yourself and progress. A couple years ago I was running sound for a trio. A couple of the members on stage played with bigger national acts, but would slum it with some up and comers when they were home and not one the road. They always act like they are better than everyone and often convince the local artist to not play for most of their set. That is to say, they convince the local guy to start late, end early and take long 30–45-minute breaks while playing two or three 20–30-minute sets. This is what the pros who play with national acts get used to. The headliner on a national tour does a 90 or 120 minute set these days and maybe even less, I wouldn’t know. Locally though, artists who are paid $200-$300 a person for a band, are expected to perform at least three 45-minute sets during a three-hour show.

I’ve long ago learned to not make a big deal out of any of the above as long as there are people in the bar and spending money, who really cares to address a problem that will only result in pissing a someone off who is further along and forever ruling out any of their possible help or come-uppance they could maybe offer you. And this is how you should treat 99 percent of these small situation, especially as a sound guy, cause who the fuck really cares about the sound guy anyway? Not too many people out there even know what a sound guy is or does and for that matter, how the sound of the vocals gets from the singer’s mouth to the audience’s ears. The best thing to do is to keep your mouth shut and keep on trucking, because you don’t need to add another hater to your parade. On this night though when we were all done and the trio had finished out their last 20-minute set, I was rolling cables and over head the band members talking shit about the venue to the front man. Being mouthy and ungrateful and generally downplaying the venue, the show and the audience because, as I said earlier, this side-guy had played for a major touring act and for all intents and purposes, was telling this guy he was above the gig. Maybe that was so. Maybe they were underpaid for what they thought they deserved, and maybe what he was saying about the venue was true, but I’d already taken a couple ass chewings that night for not having the band on stage at their assigned times and since I hadn’t gone off on them while they were standing me around on their breaks, I went off of them while I was rolling cables. I said some mean shit and some cuss words to the extent of, “Well, if we are gonna pay yall for this show that you barely even played, then the least you can do is shut the fuck up about the venue.”

It didn’t go over well. They argued me back and then we got into it over the semantics of the gig and proper edicate and gig pay, never really addressing the straw that broke the camel’s back, the disrespect of the venue, biting the hand that feeds. Now when I see those guys around town, they say hi to me and smile like everything is cool, but they continue with the shit talking behind my back. They only go out of their way to say hi to me so as to remind me of how bad I fucked up by calling them on their bullshit. They say hi and mean, “Hey, I’m still touring nationally and if you had ever hoped that I would show your music or talk anything about you to my contacts on that level, you blew that by not allowing me to get my run of a gig the way I’m used to.” And it’s easy to spot the joy in their eyes and their speech as they shake hands with me, who they hate, make eye contact and smile as if I were their best friend. What gives me peace of mind is hanging out and listening to them badmouth the act the work for, describing the torture it is to have to play the same hit song night after night in arena after arena. It’s hilarious and when I think about that part of it, I know it has nothing to do with me. Again, James Allen’s book As a Man Thinketh helps me to navigate these trecherous waters.

As much as it makes me pissed off to hear a guy who makes 100K/year to accompany a star songwriter, badmouthing the very songs that pay their bills, I can’t help but chuckle to myself and know I’m doing right. I’ll have to muster the effort to ignore these people until I’m where Parker is, but look, he did it. He can stand now from the Kimmel stage on live national television and let all the haters take a good dose of their own medicine.

Even though I’ve never met Parker, I’m pretty sure he had to stand up to some people along the way. Why else would so many people continue to criticize him on the daily around the scene? I mean, what other reason would a guy turn down the money to put a band on salary and buy a touring vehicle, if it wasn’t because he had something to prove. When you start calling others out for their bad behavior, and when you start to see your goal a little clearer and after each successive heart ache of a battle lost or the new found experience of something hard won, calluses form. I need a reason for my calluses and I need to know they were delivered through making a difference. If you try to callus my heart, I will come at you. If you want me to go along with whatever unethical scheme you’ve cooked up, I will go against you. I wanna prove it to myself I’m doing right, that I”m worthy and that I’m talented. And I’d love to prove that to the world. What could drive a human besides something to prove? I have something to prove and I go about it every day and every show. If I encounter a dumbass bastard in my path, I make sure they know I see them as a dumb ass bastard in my wake. Parker has principles and a code of ethics he stands behind and that’s what helped him get to where he is now. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to turn down the generous and loving financial offer he was given back then in order that he might make it on his own. I think I remember him being quoted as having said, “If I show up to these shows like some rich kid, I’ll never get anywhere.”

I like to put myself in Parker’s shoes, especially since I play every Sunday a stage he’s played. I’m standing where he once stood. Dealing with the same bar and the same 7th street area and the same drunks he must have had to encounter. He made it. The owners of the Landmark are proud to have had him as a performer and love to claim him now that he’s so famous.

I’m proud of people like Parker and how they continual to push and stay consistent. To keep their eye on the prize. I think the strength it took to turn down those monies, that would have made everything a little easier for him, was likely a product of other “run-in's” he’d had with others. He kind of knew that everyone was judging and criticizing him and that he had to walk the straight and narrow path to get to where he wanted to be. I’d love to be like Parker and share a success of that level someday. Now look at him on Kimmel, wearing a Cheatum St. trucker snap back, a white T-shirt, jeans and boots. He looks like the same kid that first played around Fort Worth and Texas. He didn’t have to start playing dress up or get his makeup and hair done daily. He didn’t have to badmouth anyone or align himself with people or ideals he’s not about. He’s not on the gram sporting some over the top wardrobe or giving us much of anything to judge or criticize except his music. I like the two songs mentioned above. He’s got an amazing voice. I’d say the sky is the limit for a guy like that and to think just a few years ago he was doing what I’m doing now.

Thinking about those who have made it out of and onto the national scale helps keeps things in perspective for me. It helps me keep my eye on the prize and my mind off the haters.